The Calling

I very much enjoyed visiting the islands of Oahu, Maui, and Kauai, but it wasn't until I returned home that I realized something was calling me back. I had been home only 2 days, and slept most of that time, before driving 7 hours to Pecatonica, IL for Vipassana. A long awaited experience that was perfectly timed. If you've never heard of Vipassana, it's a 10-day silent meditation course. Quite a challenging experience for most, and this year I would be “celebrating” my birthday there. No phones, no talking or eye contact, no reading or journaling. Just 10 days of being with your Self. They feed you and you have a place to sleep but otherwise it is complete disconnection from life as you know it.

As far as I'm concerned, Vipassana is not about thinking or experiencing any certain state of body or mind, but observing the chitta vritti (mind fluctuations), practicing equanimity, and embracing anicca (impermanence).

Phase 1: the results

In the days following Vipassana I thought a lot about one specific Hawaiian island, Kauai. More specifically a beach on the far west side of the island called Polihale. Remembering how in front of you the ocean meets the land, and behind you the mountains meet the sky. The quiet mornings watching the sun rise in a place I felt so honored to experience. I cried from the beauty and reverence for this place.

Polihale 9/10/19

I returned to Cleveland, my job, & my life feeling obligated to move forward and get back to building my skillset of holistic wellness offerings. I went back to working as an RN for a home health company and continued working as a Wellness Coordinator, doing my best but still feeling like something was off. I had been crying daily for 2 weeks before I had the realization: “I have to go back, I have to move there”. Don't get me wrong, I'm no travel influencer or even someone who felt like running away. I just felt a strong pull to move to Kauai. I started telling people, including my mom, and all seemed agreeable. It was so clear to me, there was no stopping me… nothing I could forsee.

Phase 2: getting ready

So I spent my last year in Ohio filling my cup and enjoying the time I had left with friends and family. Meanwhile, I started to connect with businesses on-island and locals through Instagram and looking for a place to live. I even connected with a friend of a friend who owned a yoga studio on Kauai and just recently moved back to Ohio; I thought I needed more info on where would be a good spot to live. Honestly, I was tuning in and allowing Source to guide me because I had NO idea what I was doing except following my intuition. In December 2019 I purchased one way plane tickets for May 5th, 2020 and decided to tell my employer and dear friend, as well as anyone else who would listen. As I began looking for a new job and getting ready to move my stuff to my mom's, Covid-19 happened.

In those first few weeks I didn't think much of it, and then my uncle was hospitalized. He made it out but it still was a major eye opener. I had many feelings surface over the minutes, hours, days that followed, but I never lost hope that I would eventually make it to Kauai. Thankfully, during that time I accepted a remote job as a behavioral care coach with a company who had always been virtual. I didn't get my goodbye party but I made sure to let my close friends know how much they meant to me; it wasn't so much of goodbye as it was thank you for believing in me.

Phase 3: “rest”

Within days of moving the previous 14 years to my hometown of New Philadelphia, my flight was canceled and with the way things were going I wasn't sure what to expect. I rescheduled for June and started my orientation for my job. May came and went and again my flight was canceled. So instead of choosing when, I decided to “let go and let god”. I did a lot of walking that summer, a lot of introspection, meditation, and some fasting for clarity. On my walks (and most of my day) I would think about Kauai. In my meditations I would hear “rest” when I asked what I needed to do to prepare. It wasn't the easiest of assignments but the pandemic sort of helped me out in that regard. Kept me grounded and in place, despite my mind taking me 4,629 miles away quite often.

Thankfully I had already asked my employer about moving and they were fine with it, just needed to wait for some tax stuff to clear on their end and my 90 days to be completed. I don't want to downplay the hurdle this was because before me, they did not allow anyone outside of the continental US to work there due to the time difference, among other things I'm sure. I wrote a persuasive letter to the CEO who also just happened to be a fellow Clevelander.

By August I had been searching for a place to live on just about every platform possible, making friends along the way; I was starting to realize no one was going to let me rent if I wasn't living on island. One day after a recent 72 hour fast I had an acquaintance from my Law of Attraction Meetup group call me to tell me it would probably be easier to get a hotel and quarantine for the required 2 weeks, then I would at least be able to say I was on island. That day I booked my final flight and plane ticket to arrive on Kauai 9/9/2020, exactly 1 year after our original trip.

Phase 4: the move

As I prepared for my final days in Ohio I felt relieved, flights were starting to open up again and now my only concern was how much to pack. I'd be stuck in a hotel for 2 weeks by myself, and this would be all I took with me; no need to ship anything when you're starting fresh. I had saved enough money for a nice little nest egg and had exactly the specifics of the kind of place I wanted in mind, even the location.

I was able to fit everything I wanted into two checked bags and a carry-on. I made it through Cleveland and my connecting flights, only to end up in LAX overnight without a hotel. As dawn quickly approached and my early morning transpacific flight took off, it started to sink in: I was almost “home”! When I landed on Oahu the airport was familiar and comforting.

Phase 5: Kauai

The flight from Oahu to Kauai is only about 20 mins total so there was no sleeping; I watched the clouds make circular rainbows in the sky

As the plane approached the island an excitement and relief welled up inside, the kind of feeling you get when you KNOW with your entire being that you've made the right choice. I watched as we emerged from the clouds and you could see the coast line in all of it's glory.

I landed and made my way to the phone to order a taxi to the hotel, but not before allowing myself to really feel the gratitude from being aligned and following the breadcrumb trail of joy.

Arriving at the “hotel” (aka condo) I was surprised to see how nice it really was and how much space I would have. Downstairs I had a little lanai, a pretty spacious kitchen living area, and a spot I could hook up my computer (for when I started back to work during my second week of quarantine). The bedroom was upstairs and that first night I was greeted with roosters crowing at 4am and the bright lights of the boats in the Nawiliwili Bay.

I very much enjoyed my mini retreat (quarantine) and was very relieved when the apartment search proved to be quite fast and easy. Luckily I had made acquaintances with someone on island who was a property manager and offered to go look at the place I wanted to rent. She said “call them back right now, you won't find anything else that nice, clean, secluded, for that price”. So that's what I did! It checked off everything on my list (but AC 🫠).

Once my quarantine ended I took another cab from Lihue to Kapahi where I would live for 2 years. It took me about 3 months to acclimate but the excitement of finding new places to eat, shop, and play gave me something to do any day I didn't feel like posting up in my apartment alone to binge watch mindless shows (something I was already trying to break myself from the habit of).

December 2020 I met my now fiance and we soaked up the time we had on island, because after finding out I was pregnant in May we knew a move back to the mainland was inevitable. We spent the first 9 months of our daughter's life on Kauai and decided to move to Ohio to be closer to her grandma's. One of which just happened to move from California to OH unrelated to our decision but thankfully is only 45 mins away from where we live now.

Living in Ohio has been a blessing for all of us. It has also been the most challenging years I've faced in my lifetime. We had a little less than a year to explore and travel before my grandma had 2 strokes, one of which paralyzed her right side and has kept her bedridden ever since. After agreeing to support my aunt's decision to keep her home (which meant full time caregiving for her and twice daily visits from me), it took about 6 months before we burned out and subsequently she had another stroke. Since then my aunt’s health took a turn and she passed last month. All of this to say, I'm grateful I have been able to spend that time with them.

I sense a new chapter is unfolding and there will be some challenging decisions to make. But if this journey has taught me anything, it's to always stay connected to Source so that you'll know what to do when it's time. It's also about living and loving, to live and let live, & to enjoy the time we have.

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